I have a fixation with the question of personal freedom, autonomy, and self reliance. I like believing there is a way to live that makes me accountable to no one, and committed to nothing, because that seems to me to be a sort of ultimate freedom.
Pursuit of that dream is a bet on myself. A bet that I can manage and that I don’t ultimately need anybody.
The alternative bet is a bet on the people around me: if I stay interwoven with the groups and people in my life, and develop reciprocal relationships of benefit, I will ultimately be taken care of when I need it.
The second bet seems foolish to me, because it would seem to involve a lot of things in the external world that I don’t have any control over. but I’m realizing it’s perhaps less foolish than the first bet, which involves a big thing in my internal world that is a known disaster at intervals: me.
the second bet basically says that the total of external goodness in the world accessible to me in times of need is sufficient, or at least superior to the total of internal capacity accessible to me. And that seems true.
so I was setting new goals for another 12 week year, something I’ve been meaning to do since my sister encouraged me to start another 12 week year about a month ago, and I reviewed my prior goals, as best I can remember since I lost my notebook somehow.
I did not achieve any of my goals, which were roughly:
total contingency planning (make self undisruptable by childcare surprises or financial surprises)
2 new clients
grow usage of a tool ive been building for a client x%
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okay so in examining these goals, here is the truth.
They are somewhat stilted representations of what I really want to be true:
1) I am not thrown off course by any surprises particularly those that come from my ex
2) I am seeing more money coming in next month and more the next etc etc
3) the tool I’m building for this client will help them be more successful thus leading to more opportunities for me should I want them
assessing those statements I see that I have moved from a place where those statements were aspirational to a place where those statements are true.
That is interesting snd not merely a revisionist view of my goals.
I actually think there is something to this. It’s related to the thing I once said about how I’m not goal oriented.
as a statement of fact and not intended to dismiss my capacity to accomplish, which is real: I don’t experience the world of goals and objectives in the way that the business books lay it out
it feels truer to say something that my daughter said to me months ago. She said “you can kind of see the future can’t you.” This was an interesting comment to me and at the time I thought she might be trying to flatter me to get something she wanted, but she ended up not being after anything in particular and instead I think it was her own pattern recognition of how i tend to operate:
I see the way that current things play out into the future and then try to comply with a favorable course.
I am not getting it quite right. But one application regardless is that I’m setting my new 12 week goals in a way that all the goal setters discourage.
They are not specific
they are not measurable
They are not obviously attainable
They are not obviously relevant
they are not time bound.
they are future states that I can get in line with or not.
this means that for me, the inputs to goal achievement are really just daily alignment and daily practices, not focus on metrics, tracking against goal, etc.
I’ll keep thinking about this but I think it’s always been this way for me.
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These goals are just visions of the future
1) I am not worried about old debts.
2) my friends and family take care of me.
3) my life and home is full of love and adventure