Three years ago at the end of July I went with my kids and their mom to the northwest corner of Washington and had a relaxing weeklong vacation. Within a family dynamic that was always complicated, this trip stands out as a clear exception to general rules. We had a really good time, even after we began to suspect we were not so much house sitting as, unwittingly, house squatting? We began to recognize we were playing some temporary role in a dynamic between a foreclosing bank and their agent and my then-wife’s friend’s dubious right to remain on premises as a tenant of a foreclosed home when she was, we began to worry, no longer paying rent.
My youngest was only two months old, and the twins were 5. A month after this when the twins got into public kindergarten, I began to believe there were enough eyes on the kids for me to begin separating permanently from their mom, a process that I knew would likely introduce chaos into their lives and screen me out of it at times (thus the importance of eyes).
The years since have seen the anticipated chaos in many ways, but they have gone much better than expected because of 3 things I had not originally accounted for: 1) it turns out that you can do a lot in your kids’ life with just a few hours a week, and 2) my own family has grown closer as a group than we ever were before, even while many of us are remote, and 3) I have made several true friends who have helped me more than I was then aware a friend would help a friend.
This end of July I finally get to take my kids on another trip—my first one with them since the housesquatting. We will fly to spend about 8 days with my family, who my kids have not seen since the youngest was born 3 years ago. It’s something I felt at times if I would never be able do with my kids, and Something I’ve worried the pandemic would make prohibitive basically up until just days ago. But I wouldn’t have ever appreciated it so much had I not had to fight so hard to make it happen.
Someone said she feels like I’ve been planning a way over the Berlin Wall.
It’s felt that way to me too. And we are going over!