Tips for Parenting all of a Sudden
I’ve been parenting a lot more all of a sudden, and lots of people have told me I seem good at it, based on my Instagram pics, which aren’t the perfect reflection of reality you’d expect but which do capture a bit of the spirit of my approach I think.
Because my kids were up early and I can’t think straight today, here’s a list of tips for if you’re suddenly parenting a lot more these days:
Wear your shoes morning to night. Then when you step on stuff it doesn’t hurt or stick to your skin. When you step on something sticky, use a wet wipe to wipe it off and then wipe that part of the floor and then carry on. Don’t think too much about where else there is going to be something sticky. You’ll find it organically and deal with it then. Part of this is leaving your shoes on when you lay on the couch. Just do it.
Do Hello Fresh, $60 a week to learn to cook, plus they of course include ingredients for 3 meals a week which is like the main product. You learn how long it takes to cook rice and how much water to include, plus basic ways of using Garlic and Ginger, how much salt to put in stuff, and soon you have a few more staples in your repertoire. It’s worked really well for me in 5 weeks of doing it.
Alternate between not paying any attention to your kids and paying full attention. Don’t try to do an in between. Just put full attention for however many minutes you can and then stop paying attention to recharge your batteries and to let your kids get deeper into their own self motivated activities without trying to get your approval or attention. My experience is I get better at paying real attention over time for lengthier amounts of time.
Let your kid show you what to pay attention to. Don’t try to direct too much; dont interrupt their boring idea by trying to redirect them toward the interesting piece of their boring idea. Who knows what their tiny little brains are working on or how their weird little world maps are building out.
Let them tantrum for a while. I try to imagine they are in physical pain and the wave will pass, and I just kinda ignore them and meditate through the sound.
When they find something focused and fun to do, let it ride as long as possible. Even if it’s making a mess, or if you start feeling like they have been quiet too long in the other room or whatever, or if you feel like you have to get them onto the next thing, just let it ride. The longer kids get into a thing and the more they focus, the better it seems their creativity starts to flow. Screen time being an exception.
Interrupt screen time with a planned activity. This can be cleaning up and other stuff they hate, but just make sure it sounds planned. “Want to watch tv for 3 more minutes or 6 more minutes? 6? Okay! After 6 min, shut that off and we will do craft center/cleanup center/lunch center.”
Call activities [thing]-center. Then kids think you know what you’re doing and there is a plan. It makes you feel like a teacher to them. Have you ever met elementary school teachers? They can be incredibly dumb and kids still think they are smart, because they rule over all the different Centers. Calling stuff “center” makes it seem like every hour at home is a time and space bound event that you the parent understand well, and are inviting the kids to dip into and out of. You’re interesting in bugs? Welcome to Science Center, it’s outside under a rock. It gives the day nice boxes your kids get to move in and out of. Maybe my family just likes this because of the autism.
Do housework while the kids are around, not after they go to bed. Do the dishes or fold the laundry in the middle of their chaotic playtime. Don’t wait for naptime or sleep time. Teach your kids through routine that while they play you are doing housework sometimes. This helps them learn that playtime is for them alone which it mostly should be.
Assign a dollar value to the damage they are probably going to do, and just think of it as part of your overall debt load, so you don’t freak out when they do it. When I hand my 2 year old a glass of milk I know he’s going to spill it 20% of the time, but he really likes to hold his own cups. So what’s the cost of this? 4 minutes of cleanup every three days? That’s like 10 minutes a week. Currently I’m hired at $14.50 and hour, which, figuring 1/6 of that is officially above my paygrade. The floor of my bathroom is getting flooded from the fact that my kids swim while bathing. That’s probably going to cost my deposit in the end, but if I live here 3 years that’s like 30 bucks a month total, or like 99 cents a night to let my kids swim in the bath. Deal.